The Real Dracula (feat. Seth Rogen) – Drunk History


Hello. I’m Greg Tuculescu. And today… [laughs] Today we’re gonna talk
about Vlad the Impaler. The real man behind… Dracula.So, it’s 1447,and Vlad III
from Wallachia
is a political prisoner
in the Ottoman Empire.
And Vlad is like,
I wanna go back to my dad.
I’m a prince!
I’m an heir to the throne!
And Radu, Vlad’s brother,
is like,
I kinda like it here.I really like the salt
and sun and Memed II.
And Memed’s like,
I like you too.
And then, out of nowhere
this boyar shows up.
This nobleman.And he’s breathless,
and he’s like, Vlad!
I have bad news.
Your father is dead.
He’s dead. He was killed
by rival boyars.
And Vlad is like,I’d like to avenge
my father’s death, please.
Can you please
release me?
And they’re like,
[belches] okay.
But Radu’s gonna stay here
if that’s cool.
And Radu’s like,
yeah, I love it here.
So, um, he rides to Wallachia,kicks down the door,
and he’s like,
you ain’t gonna take away
our freedoms.
[giggles]
[loud thud] – Ohh.
Watch that head. – Oww.Anyway.
He’s like, sweet.
I’m pretty much
prince of Wallachia.
Let’s have a partaaay!And he invites
all these boyars.
He’s like, guys, let’s
[bleep] bury the hatchet.
I know you killed my father.
That’s fine.
You don’t worry–
but don’t worry about it.
You killed my dad.
That’s okay.
So the boyars are like,we’ll [bleep] do whatever
you feel like is good.
They like, drink
and have a great time.Uh…
[giggles]
And then they’re gonna leave,
and they’re like,
great, thank you so much,
but we had such a great time.
We’re gonna head out.And Vlad’s like,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shut the doors.[doors slamming]All the boyars are like,
wait, what?
So, Vlad’s like,
you know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna take a stake
that’s like sharpened
almost to a point–
kind of.
Not to a point.
A little rounded.
And I’m gonna shove it up
your butthole.
And then I’m gonna, like,
go into your esophagus,
and then I’m gonna
stick it out your mouth.
[whispers]
I’m going to impale you.
And he does that
to 200 boyars.It’s…
[laughs]
It’s [bleep] sadistic.And he impaled
[bleep] 200 boyars.
In his court in…
[talking gibberish, laughing]Vlad is like,
call me Dracula.
So, he’s, like, going around
doing this to everybody.
He’s like, you, you look like
you’re an adulterer.
You, you look like
you’re lazy.
You, you look like
you’re a thief!
I’m gonna impale all of you!And he impales them.And he burns the whole
[bleep] town to the ground.
And there’s a German monk
there and he’s like,
[German accent]
oh, mein Gott!
He’s dipping his bread
in the blood of his victims!
Und he’s eating it![normal voice]
That’s a vampire.
He instorters…
He instorters? He ins…he…
– [sniggers]– Instills order
in Wallachia.
So, Memed is like,your brother wants
to be called “Dracula.”
And Radu’s like,
[laughs] Dracula?
That just means, like,
son of Dracul
which we both are.That’s lame.And Memed’s like,we should definitely
attack Vlad
because Vlad’s being
a super dick.
So, Memed crosses
into Wallachia
with these, like,
60,000 troops
and Dracula’s like,I get it.
I’m outnumbered.
So, I’m gonna retreat,but what I want
you guys to do–
my colonels and lieutenants
and generals and shit–
I want you to burn
[whispers] everything!
And they’re like,
all right, but we’re, like,
[bleep] up our own land.And he’s like,
yes!
[whispers]
Destroy Wallachia…
Vallachia.So, they do it.And they [bleep] up
everything.

100 thoughts on “The Real Dracula (feat. Seth Rogen) – Drunk History

  1. dreadful acting on this one. Comedy is the hardest genre, only the best actors with natural talent for comedy should do it.

  2. 'oh mein got, hes dipping his bread in the blood of his victims,….undt hes eating it'
    that accent had me freaking rolling

  3. When you impale people it goes through the perineum (taint), not the anus. It pushes the organs aside without puncturing them so the victim doesn't bleed to death, and is less likely to get sepsis. It can take days to die.

  4. Well, May Mehmed the second rise from his grave and f.ck your drunk brothers with his spoiled d.ck after all the janissaries he commanded to do so by the Hagia Sophia you f.cking sick minded sons of b.tches

  5. Traditional history claimed that the boyars were killed at the banquet when Vlad served them all poison wine. They were impaled and displayed as a warning

  6. I was wondering "Where is Seth Rogen". Then i realized that Vlad is Seth Rogen.
    Props to make up team.

  7. I bet vlads brother loved staying with the Turks… Even though the Turks raped and beat him and his brother though childhood

  8. How much of this is simply PR spin of the 15th Century? Bear in mind, Vlad Tepes stopped the Muslim advance into Europe, making him possibly the greatest hero of Western Civilization. There were lots of people who wanted him brought down, so stories about eating bread dipped in the blood of his citizens is great imagery if you're a PR hack.

  9. While this may be hilarious it is the best advertisement to not drink 😂 cuz I don't know what these guys are drinking but I have never been so stupid while being drunk

  10. Lol, he was not different to other rulers in this time. This is a case of winners rewrite the history and people in the countzry accept it, because the elites were colaborants and egomans.
    If he would not fail, he would be presented next to Bismarck and Lincoln….but yeah we have a nice story and vampires…

  11. I absolutely love this show! But, this one was a little off on the facts. Vlad didn't kill his subjects unless they were actually found to be guilty and even then the sentences would very. If someone was found d innocent they were let go and that was the end of it. Vlad was more just than western culture seems to understand. Remember, in that part of the world Vlad the impaler is considered a hero.

  12. Thats it ? . . . that was abrupt, what, seth ran out of weed or something so he stopped shooting ? P.S : i love you seth

  13. Yeah, the impalements were kinda even worse then they said.
    They placed the wood under your ass and over the course of many hours your body would slide down the pole, your organs would be forced to tear and/or push against your skin and bones from the inside out.
    Eventually that resulted in your death.

  14. Well this is not the story I have read (and I have read quite a bit about it) He wasn't treated as a "guest"when he was a political prisoner…his own father made a deal to be set free and let them keep the boys .. and Vlad was tortured that entire childhood (from age 10-17) and witnessed the most horrible things.. He became a fucking psychopath.. . He never forgave his father for doing that to him… The insane shit he did whilst back in Romania shows how much of a psychopath he was.

  15. This is incredibly misrepresenting and undermining of the historical context and Vlads real deeds. Although funny, this show promotes a false understanding of history, at least in this case that's clear. Really, you should know that many take this stuff for granted.

  16. Vlad and Radu were kinda war prisoners since they were very little. and Vlad betrayed his brother escaping and left him there .

    Theyr father was killed by ottomans . After Radu grew up , he claimed that he was an ottoman and seek revenge on his brother and killed Vlad's wife , cutting her throat and throwing her off his castle's cliff. Vlad in rage killed his brother and from there on end was an actually good leader to his people. crime rate was very low and stuff cuz yes..he impaled people to give an example n' shit . He also drank the blood of his enemies after battles , soooo that's the story . Vlad was a great ruler after all.

  17. This is very inaccurate. I mean the story of the video is incomplete.
    The actual story is this.
    The Ottoman Sultan, Mehmed II, ordered Vlad to pay homage to him personally, but Vlad had the Sultan's two envoys captured and impaled. In February 1462, he attacked Ottoman territory, massacring tens of thousands of Turks and Bulgarians. Mehmed launched a campaign against Wallachia to replace Vlad with Vlad's younger brother, Radu. Vlad attempted to capture the sultan at Târgoviște during the night of 16–17 June 1462. The sultan and the main Ottoman army left Wallachia.

  18. Honestly this feel more like "high" history than drunk history. Ive had some drinks in my life but i've never had the giggles like this on just alcohol.

  19. We all Dracula is somewhere in a cemetery in Romania looking at this video and being like "really I just saved Europe from the Turks and you make parody of me ?" hahah

  20. He keeps saying "boiers" instead of the closest translation in English which is "noblemen" and I'm kinda disappointed. Also he left out so many things…

  21. We call them боляри / bolyars (that's in plural), emphasis on the final syllable.
    In the mid 9th cent the first christian king of the Bulgarians killed all members of his court who refused to convert to Christianity. The Red Wedding has nothing on Prince Boris of Bulgaria. 😀

  22. There are also versions of this Story where Vlad is impaling all the criminals and stuff but does it in a fair way. Like he doesn't kill everyone in a manner of "hey I don't like you", but he kills who have disobeyed the law. There's a Story in which he visited a Village or something and he left a golden Cup on a well, and no one dared to steal it because they were all afraid to get killed.
    Long Story short, I don't know which Story is true, but I heard that Vlad was a bit more fair than how  he was described here

  23. Just like all the other drunk history, there is WAAYYYY more to this………the timeline os kinda mixed, and who Vlad impaled is kinda vague……not the whole story

  24. I feel like quite a bit was left out. Like a huge part of the conflict with the ottomans and how he used fear to defeat them. I’m very disappointed cause that’s my favorite thing about his history. sips wine(?)

  25. Yeah trying to whitewash white crimes they just portraying Semitic people as gay or bad guys who is originally defeated Vlad …..how much zionistic it can be .

  26. Amazing!! This is extraordinary look, catchy inside of history files in a hilarous way! Love it! My favorite show! Thank you, all you make a great job! Peace and love, from România! 😎✌️📣🏰🇹🇩

  27. Mexican Drunk History is 1000000000 x's better. I wish everyone understood Spanish just for the sake of comedy.

  28. He wasn’t made a vampire until bram stoker made him one. He was known as devilish though, after being regarded as a national hero

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