MY CHALLENGES AS A QUEER FEMALE TRAVELER & DIGITAL NOMAD #lgbtq


– So, am I in the frame? Looks like I’m in the frame. I always have to check with
my phone ’cause it shows me what’s going on in there,
cause I can’t flip the display. But it looks like, looks
like I’m in the frame. Alright, my dear friends,
ladies and gentlemen. Today’s gonna be a bit
of a different topic. All the last videos in the
last few months have all been about a lot of helpful stuff,
I wanted to provide a lot of value, a lot of tips, do
daily vlogs, show you my life, traveling, being a digital
nomad, and as you remember maybe in January I did the
30 days of vulnerability where I shared a lot of personal stuff, made myself quite naked,
in the emotional sense, and so I haven’t really
done a very personal video in a while or talked
about a personal subject. Today is one of those days,
because I thought about this today, for some reason I think
it was while I was getting waxed, down here, and for
some reason I needed to really distract myself from the
pain, ha ha, as some of you maybe know, I distracted myself
with thoughts about being a queer woman traveling the world. Being a queer blogger, being
lesbian and what it’s like and what annoys me about
being a lesbian, being queer, it’s actually the word that
I prefer a lot more, is queer or gay, for some reason, the
term lesbian itself is not something that I overly identify
with, I like to call myself queer, or I’m a gay woman,
but anyway off topic. Um, so I was thinking, about
all the things that annoy me about being a queer woman,
traveling the world, being a queer female digital nomad, I came up with a few things
that I wanted to share in a video, so yeah we’re gonna do that now. So number one is that
as someone who’s gay, we basically have to come
out over and over and over and over and over again, all
the time, because I meet a lot of people all the time, and
so I might have the look of a queer woman of a gay
woman, but not for everybody, a lot of straight people
out there, they seriously, they don’t get that I’m gay,
which I’m sometimes just, I’m just like really? ‘Cause recently we actually
had, we were playing this game and I forgot what the
game was, but anyway one of the questions came up and
the question was, what is Conni’s sexual identity? And there were all these
different options, and I think there were maybe ten people
and out of those ten people, I think two or three thought
I was straight, I was a heterosexual, and a few
people thought I was bisexual and then a small amount
of people maybe two out of or three out of those ten
people actually nailed it and knew that I was gay. So not everybody gets it. For me personally and also
because I was hiding in the closet for a very long
time of my life, it is very important to, not make a
statement out of it, but to share and make it clear that I am not straight. You know, that means with
whoever I get to know and there will be a point eventually,
depending on how deep I go, in those friendships/relationships
whatever, is that I you know, have to then
share that I’m gay and sometimes there’s weird
reactions, most times there’s no reaction, or you know
just “normal” reaction, but it’s just something that
can get a bit old sometimes. And also to some people, or
depending on where I am in this brings me to point number
two, I don’t actually want to make a point out of the
fact that I’m gay, because in some cultures, many
cultures around the world, being gay, being homosexual
is not really tolerated or accepted or they might just
not be very gay friendly, they might not know how to
deal with it, I might make them feel uncomfortable, so
you gotta be very kind of sensitive and feel out in
those different countries, and in those different
cultures, when it is okay to be gay out in public or share
that you’re gay and when it might not be, when it might
be better to hold that back that little tiny bit of
information about my personality and my sexuality and so it’s
a bit of a fine line to walk on sometimes and that can be
annoying too because it means that some people or many
people they don’t look at you the way you want to be looked
at and I want to be looked at as a gay woman, I don’t
want people to look at me and think that I’m straight
because I’m just not. And that’s a little bit
annoying because straight people don’t have that problem and
you guys don’t have to come out to all the people, hey
just to let you know that I’m straight, I’m a heterosexual. Or think about huh, can I
hold hands with my partner on the street, can I kiss
my partner in public. You know when you book a
room and then when two women walk in or two boys and
they’re gay, you know usually people would assume
they’re friends and then you get you know, two single
beds, and when you ask for a double bed, you know they
might look at you weird or something, so these things
that I’m sharing with you right now, they might seem
like very small issues to maybe a lot of you, but as a gay
traveler, and I’m sure for those of you that are gay
travelers, they can relate. It’s not that there are huge
problems and it will never hold me back from traveling,
or changing my lifestyle, but they’re slight
nuisances, is that a word? Yeah that is a word, anyway,
it’s slightly annoying and sometimes it can
get a bit frustrating, that’s all I’m trying to say. And now point number three
is one that I have to deal with a lot, and probably
a few other more, um, tomboyish looking girls,
or butch looking girls. I get mistaken for a boy, a lot. Especially in countries
where women don’t necessarily wear a lot of short hair, and
so in many Asian countries and many countries in Central
South America, or even actually in western
countries sometimes too. So let’s say I walk into
a restroom in an airport, and maybe I’m even wearing
a hoodie ’cause it’s cold, and long pants and my Vans,
and then you know, and then I walk in and I get a lot of
women sometimes, especially in like the Arabic countries,
look at me and like, oh what are you doing here? And sometimes they say that
too, and then I look back at them and then I’m usually
like, look at my boobs, I’m a woman, it’s all good,
and then they look at me again and they’re like oh my
god, and then they’re super embarrassed, but for them
it’s just very unnatural to see a woman with short hair like I do. And that’s annoying, I swear
to god, it’s really annoying. Sometimes I don’t want to
deal with that and then I hold back going to the bathroom
and then I just go when I’m actually on the plane. Or when I’m in my hotel
because I don’t want to have to deal with these kind of
looks where people, thinking that I’m a boy in a women’s
bathroom, so I really don’t like that, but like
I said, even in the western world, like in the States or
something, when I walk into like a Starbucks, which I
don’t do a lot, I don’t go to Starbucks very much, but if
I do or some other coffee shop sometimes, they look
at me and they’d be like, how can I help you sir? Because all they see at
first is, my short hair cut and then they look at me
again, and like oh I’m sorry how can I help you madam? And that, it really annoys
me, I’m not wearing this haircut because I want to
be a boy, absolutely not, I’m super proud to be a
woman, I love having breasts I love everything about being
a woman, it’s just that I really enjoy having a short
haircut, and I just, I don’t want to be looked at as a boy, as a man. You know, and that’s something
that I find sometimes a bit difficult to deal
with and that’s definitely something more than just a
slight nuisance actually. Also, I get comments on some
of my videos from viewers out there, who ask whether
I’m a girl or a boy, or maybe even transgender,
and that’s interesting because I don’t know, I really don’t
feel like I’m coming across as a guy, like my voice
and everything, yeah that’s a bit weird, so I’m
definitely a woman guys. I wanna be a woman, and even
if I didn’t want to be a woman I wanted to be transgender,
I would totally own that too, but I don’t and I wanna be
looked at as a woman that has short hair and just likes it that way. And now lastly, ah, this is actually something
that can be quite frustrating. There’s at, in a lot of the
countries that I travel to, there aren’t really any big
gay scenes, so it’s not, and that’s my own choice
obviously, I could be hanging out in San Francisco, or
in Berlin, or in Sidney or in Bangkok even where there
are gay scenes, lesbian scenes, you know gay bars
and just more gay people to hang out with, and it can get
a bit frustrating you know when you’re always the only
queer person in the room, when you’re always the only
lesbian in a group of people and for me this actually has
two downsides, for one in terms of I like to have gay friends,
they don’t all have to be gay at all, but you know,
I like to have you know here and there, and I do and, you
know I recently made friends last year with a few amazing,
awesome, badass gay women, who are also digital nomads
and who are rocking their businesses and that’s been
super awesome and there is a bit of a crew out there, it’s
still quite small, especially in the digital nomad
scene, where are you queer digital nomads, seriously
women, what’s going on? And so yeah, I do enjoy having
queer friends, and so that’s one part and also obviously,
if there’s not a whole lot of gay scene, it’s
kinda hard to meet gay women to go on dates with, and
you know, I like dating and it’s just a bit frustrating
when there’s not a whole lot of choice, when it’s hard
to meet women, or I don’t only want to rely on online
dating, and in some places there aren’t even any women
on Tinder or any other online apps, so it’s just a
bit of a desert in some places, like here right now, Nicaragua
I feel like there’s like no, no gay women. So yeah, traveling to places
where there’s no gay scenes, no lesbian scenes, no nothing
that’s, has been a bit of a downside for sure, but
like I said, I take full responsibility, it’s
something that I choose to do, is have this lifestyle
and travel to places where it’s just all straight, and yeah. And maybe I should just,
maybe do like a queer around the world trip or something
like that, and just hit up all these super
queer/gay/lesbian hot spots. Hmm. Something to think about. So anyway, this is it, I
just wanted to share that, those few frustrations. So anyway, the question for
today is, ladies, or also boys really, although boys have
a lot more choice always with when it comes to nightlife,
there’s always more bars and clubs for gay boys or
you know, they have Grinder, I feel like gay boys have
it easier than gay women, to be honest for some reason. Women are just too passive,
or hiding more in the closet or they’re just not as out
there, or as proactive. Definitely a bit of an imbalance there. So anyway, my question of
the day is for you gay ladies out there, you know what’s
been your experience, what are things that annoy you about
being queer on the road traveling the world, please do share with me in the comments,
sympathies would be amazing and also definitely I
appreciate a bit of compassion from you straight people out there. In any case, if you enjoy my
video, give me a thumbs up. And subscribe to my channel
for more awesome videos coming up, and I will see
you in the next video. Thanks for watching, girls and boys. See you soon, bye bye.

33 thoughts on “MY CHALLENGES AS A QUEER FEMALE TRAVELER & DIGITAL NOMAD #lgbtq

  1. In my eyes you are such an attractive, feminine and androgynous woman at once and I love your sexy short hair ! ! ! 🙂 I'm rather straight, but definitive not 100% – just wanted to say that I liked this video, 'cause of the interesting topic, it helps me to understand you and other gay people, it helps to put myself in a gay woman position. LOVE YA TOO !

  2. Ich kann dir da nur zustimmen (auf deutsch antworten ist einfacher 😀)! Mir passiert es sogar regelmäßig in Wien, dass man mich für einen Mann hält und ja, es nervt total (vor allem in den Toiletten)! Am Anfang fand ich es noch witzig, aber wenn es dir zum 10. oder 20. Mal passiert, nervt es nur noch! Ich glaube, die Menschen schauen einfach nicht genau, weil sie mit sich selbst und ihren Gedanken beschäftigt sind!

  3. Hi 🙂 I completely understand the issues you are explaining and I have had similar experiences. However, it does depend on our lenses and understanding of risk in some countries.  LGBTQ people are everywhere and in every nation without exception. I am a Queer woman who lives in Australia but before here I lived in the Middle East.  Even in countries where being LGBTQ may result in imprisonment or the death penalty I've seen underground LGBTQ clubs that were wall to wall with thousands of people. It certainly rules out 'lifestyle choice.' I'm not suggesting that this kind of risk taking behaviour is a sane idea because for you – you do not have to take these kinds of risks to be who you are.  I'm just saying that "born this way" does not come with an * that reads * only if born in a Western nation. People may make the most valuable Queer friends ever or meet the love of their lives in a nation where they least expect it. Maya 🙂

  4. throwing compassion at you 😉 wow, I'm actually surprised that you get mistaken for a guy in western countries, since rocking a short haircut as a woman isn't really that new or rare. might have to do with you being rather tall and wearing no obvious makeup… I've had short hair for most of my life and only sometimes got mistaken for a boy when I was a kid, like at the dentist. Romy just looks too much like Ronny I guess~ All the best!

  5. Genau diese Erfahrungen habe ich auch gemacht, bei mir denken auch viele, dass ich ein Mann bin UND das, obwohl ich nicht den kleinsten Busen habe 😎 die sehen meistens nur die kurzen Haare und die Kleidung, die halt 'sportlich' ist. In Italien ist es mit dem Namen Andrea dann noch witziger, weil das dort ja ein männlicher Vorname ist 😂 und dann noch kurze Haare…. Und ja, ich liebe es auch eine Frau zu sein und liebe Frauen und möchte mit meinen kurzen Haaren nicht zeigen, dass ich eigentlich ein Mann sein will 🙃 Hast Du eigentlich vor in Berlin ein Meet-Up zu machen? Liebe Grüße, Andrea 🍀

  6. Einige deiner Punkte kenne ich echt zu gut! Ich bin derzeit seit fast 7 Monaten mit meiner Freundin am Reisen. Der Großteil aller Menschen die wir unterwegs so treffen hält uns für Schwestern – wir sehen uns so ähnlich heißt es dann – immerhin haben wir beide einen Nasenpiercing und kurze Haare – da muss man ja quasi verwandt sein 😛 In einigen Ländern in denen wir bisher so waren, war die Schwestern Story wohl auch die sichere aber das soo viele westliche Reisende auch nicht auf die Idee kommen könnten dass wir ein Paar sind verwundert mich schon häufig. Vor knapp 2 Wochen ging tatsächlich das erste Mal jemand davon aus, dass wir ein Paar sein könnten und fragte uns ob wir uns derzeit auf unserer Hochzeitsreise befinden würden. Da wir derzeit jedoch nicht Planen vor den Traualtar zu treten verwirrte mich diese Frage jedoch fast noch mehr als die Schwesternfrage 😛

  7. Oh je, ich kann gut verstehen, dass es dicht nervt andauernd für einen Mann gehalten zu werden. Wobei ich finde, dass du ein sehr feminines Gesicht und auch Stimme hast. Die meisten Leute sind halt echt zu unaufmerksam. Bei mir ist es so, dass mich wegen den langen Haaren nie jemand für queer hält und wenn ich mich dann "oute" alle total erstaunt sind und so die klassischen Sprüche kommen wie "du siehst gar nicht so aus…" etc… Ich hoffe irgendwann ist die Gesellschaft so weit, dass es sowieso keine Rolle mehr spielt wen man liebt. Aber es ist noch ein langer weg bis dahin. Ich wünsche dir nur das Beste 🙂 Grüsse aus der Schweiz.

  8. Hallo 🙂 also wenn ich unterwegs bin, werde ich ab zu für einen Jungen gehalten , aber es hält sich wirklich in Grenzen . Wie viele schon geschrieben haben , achten die meisten nur auf kurze Haare etwas lässige Klamotten und sofort ist man männlich .. 🙂 den Punkt mit dem zurückhalten der eigenen sexualität in manchen Ländern , halte ich auch für wichtig .. man sollte nicht um jeden Preis anderen seine Vorlieben auf erzwingen " weil sie es akzeptieren sollen " dies kann in muslimischen Ländern ziemlich nach hinten los gehen ..
    Ach und zu guter letzt noch zu meinem Wirrwarr den ich hier hinterlasse.. wenn ich mal mit meiner Freundin unterwegs war, wurden wir auch ganz oft für Schwestern gehalten 🙂

  9. Oh ja das kenne ich auch als Mann gesehen zu werden. Ist allerdings schon lange nicht mehr passiert, seitdem ich meine Haare wieder etwas länger trage. Genervt hats mich zwischenzeitlich auch.
    Da ich bisher außerhalb von Deutschland wirklich nur mit meiner Schwester und nicht mit meiner Freundin verreist bin, kann ich zu dem Thema noch nichts sagen . Ich werde dann berichten 😅

  10. Ich finde es so schön wie du über deine Sexualität redest und auch das dunes mit traveling verbindest ich bin schon lange drüber am nachdenken ein lesbisches Reise bloge zu machen . Mit einem VW Bus quer durch Europa 🙈

  11. Hello beautiful! I am hetero and a girl but I find you fantastic and I get your struggle! I mean I even feel weird around some Arab people just for being a girl with her hair out so I cannot imagine how it must feel for you as a kinda "revolutionary" in "their" world.
    But as you always say: You gotta be who you are and live your real nature and if this is your one I just wish that you can keep going down your road and (learned by Conni, too;) WHERE FOCUS GOES ENERGY FLOWS… so maybe in annoying situations you could just take a VERY deep breath, smile back and keep focusing on the coffee you wanna choose or the fact that you went to toilet to PEE! Shift the focus:) As you said, most people get embarrassed when they mistaken you for a boy so that shows that it mostly is nothing personal, just our conditioned mind & with that background information in your head you shall be fine just moving on and observing people's reactions from a wiser perspective, ………….. no ego:)
    I ADORE YOU & WILL DEFINITELY keep following you. My mom even wants to buy me a trip to Sri Lanka, so I can be part of yor project, haha.
    Much love from atm Berlin girl!!! <3

  12. I love how real you are in your videos! I understand where you are coming from. I fly with new people every day (including coworkers) and I have to either come out or know when not to.
    Also, most think in straight, and I'm proud of my sexuality so it's bothersome at times.

    Glad I'm not alone ❤️ the struggle is real.

    Please do the queer around the world! Ha I would love watching that.

  13. Omg, I relate pretty strongly to most of your videos but this one (other than the youtube comments) is just … every single thing…
    I am not a digital nomad but I travel quite a bit and I also had to find gay friends in the country I now live in (UK, not London).
    The bathroom trouble. Can't remember which airport it was at but I once had a woman turning bright red whilst apologising profusely , then running out – she thought she accidentally walked into the men's… great. Just great.
    The hotel situation… Sometimes you don't dare ask for the double bed – and end up pushing the singles together, then apart in the morning….

  14. It's so crazy to me to think about how being a gay couple could actually, still to this day, not be normal to some people. Especially with all the other ways we are so forward-thinking, it's really sad to see, that in many parts of the world being gay is still not tolerated. I think it's great that you're talking about this issue though, sometimes issues like these just aren't on people's radars, so thank you for sharing 🙂 And P.S: You absolutely do not look like a guy and I cannot believe people would think that. 🤔

  15. having completely the same experiences like you – you are expressing completely my sentiments.
    i am sure people like you, talking so open about these topics opening the minds of others and preparing the change of the mindsets in others – THANK YOU for being like you are and doing what you do …
    i would be the 4rth one demanding a pre-DNX meeting 😉

  16. Weil hier so viele Paare für Schwestern gehalten werden: als ich mal mit meiner Schwester in Köln im Baumarkt war, wurden wir von der Kassiererin für ein lesbisches Paar gehalten! Das gibt es also auch andersherum 😉

  17. thank you for sharing your struggles, I'm a 17 year old hetero woman, and I know wonder if I'm bisexual or maybe lesbian, bc I'm really interested in this "topic".. or maybe it's just bc I respect/ appreciate every sexual orientation very much.. I'm confused :/ I was in love with a girl three years ago, but also in love with a boy..

  18. Hey Conni,
    I know exactly how you feel.It's not even about dating, sometimes it would just be nice to have some like minded company to hang out with.Solution?!So far none. Atm the only one seems to be to change the place – again.

  19. Definitely feel your pain Conni but had a little victory the other day when a man followed me to the bathroom because he obviously thought I am a man, only for him to realise then that he just walked into the women's bathroom.
    But this was unfortunately only one random and rare good experience.

  20. Sexuality is a private thing unless you are gay. So sad that being gay or even have short hair as a women is still such a big deal. Don't know why this bothers me so much being a straight women. Love you honesty!!

  21. Ein paar interessante Gedanken! Mal ein paar Anmerkungen aus schwuler Perspektive, nicht zwangsläufig repräsentativ. Wenn ich mich meinem Partner unterwegs bin, kommt auch öfter die Frage, ob wir Brüder seien. Finde ich aber auch nicht unbedingt verwerflich, oft ist es bloße Neugier und schließlich kommt es nicht selten vor, dass sich Paare im Laufe der Zeit angleichen oder nach Ähnlichkeit auswählen. Das mit dem Unsicherheitsgefühl kommt in einigen Ländern doch auch schon durch, obwohl ich eigentlich wenig ängstlich oder paranoid bin, aber man weiß schon dass schwuler Sexualität manchmal doch sehr aggressiv begegnet wird. Man ist dann vorsichtig oder meint sich nochmal besonders männlich verhalten zu müssen, um nicht anzuecken und das macht auch nicht immer Spaß.

    Ein Doppelzimmer mit Partner zu nehmen, ist in den meisten Regionen kein Problem, selbst in manchen muslimischen Ländern, weil man als Ausländer sowieso einen Sonderstatus hat und die Einheimischen eh alles seltsam finden, was wir machen – da fällt das auch nicht so sehr ins Gewicht. Wenn dann aber so ne Frage kommt, ob wir wirklich das Doppelzimmer nehmen wollen oder doch nicht lieber zwei Einzelzimmer – so wie es sich gehört – kommt auch kein gutes Gefühl auf. Ist ein paar Mal passiert, aber eher selten.

    Dass es für Schwule generell mehr Ausgehmöglichkeiten gibt als für Lesben, trifft schon generell zu. Allerdings ist das was, was mich persönlich überhaupt nicht interessiert, bin eher ein ruhiger Typ. Und mit Grindr und Co. ist es durchaus möglich, fast überall auf der Welt Kontakte zu knüpfen, ist aber sehr unterschiedlich je nach Land, ob das eine schnelle oder komplizierte Angelegenheit wird.

    Dass mit der queeren Sichtbarkeit oder Wahrnehmbarkeit ist wohl auch eine persönliche Geschmacksfrage. Für mich ist es ein Bestandteil der Persönlichkeit, aber nicht der Wichtigste und spielt in den meisten Begegnungen auch gar keine Rolle. Aber das ist in Deutschland auch nicht anders.

  22. Hey Conni, thanks for sharing. I am on my way! Give me 2 years and we found a queer digital nomad community together 😉

  23. Thank you soooo much for this…as a gay couple looking at going nomad is it great to be able to get some insight from a gay woman doing it!

  24. Let's travel together and you won't be the only queer on the road! :D. I just discovered a few lgbt/queer digital nomads groups on facebook…very interesting! I am not a digital nomad yet (but I have always been an active traveler) but I am planning to be! btw I am really curious about the business you are working in…:)

  25. Oh my god, where have you been all my life! 😀 I thought the queer solo traveling community was practically non-existent, especially here on youtube, but luckily now I've found your channel! I work full time on another job so traveling has always been unfortunately a hobby instead of a profession for me, but as a gay woman I'm so glad that I find people like you online just to know I'm not alone! I definitely feel the same frustrations about traveling as a queer person as you do – sometimes it can be scary just hinting at my sexuality in conversations… But the fact that I know that people like you make it out there and get by just fine brings me a lot of courage and comfort! Cheers from Finland!

  26. FYI. Laser hair removal worked amazingly well for me. My wife and I prefer the term gay over the label lesbian.

  27. My wife is constantly mistaken for a man. And, even ppl who know us, call me Julie and her Randi. I guess they think I should have the feminine name.

  28. Maybe a pronouns badge/bracelet (She/her) or something for the misgendering, and a bunch of gay/ rainbow acessories to let people know you're gay. Might not completely fix the problrm, but it might help some. ALso maybe incorporate some gay/queer jokes and puns ect. Into convesations to make coming out more fun, and intreseting, and less awkward, if you want to. I know some queer people who do one or more of these things and it seems to work a good portion of the time,

    Edit:@ jsut realised this video is 2 years old. Ideas Might be intresting so someone anyway.

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