CGR Undertow – RUGRATS: TIME TRAVELERS review for Game Boy Color


It always surprised me that, out of the three
original Nicktoons…which were a huge deal for animation, by the way…but out of those
three, the one that had the most success in the long run…was Rugrats. Not Ren and Stimpy,
which is one of the greatest cartoons ever. Not Doug, which…okay, it shouldn’t have
been Doug, that makes sense. No, Rugrats. I mean, nothing against Rugrats, but…I mean,
I guess it just hit that sweet spot, in terms of its appeal. Kids liked it, adults liked
Grandpa Lou…and down the road, it came on before Rocko’s Modern Life, so I’d sit
through it, too. I have nothing against the Rugrats, they were fine. This isn’t fine. You dumb babies. It’s Rugrats: Time Travelers. Anyway, I’m talking about cartoons because
that’s what I do, like, half the time. Also because, look at the game, what do you want
me to talk about? Tommy’s oddly shaped head? This is the most boring game since boring
came to Boring Town. I mean, it’s a platformer where you can’t actually do anything, except
jump. I know babies are helpless, but they also
can’t scuba dive. So I guess, like…we’re taking some liberties with the truth, just
not the right ones. You dumb babies. By the way, that’s an Angelica reference,
I’m not calling the show dumb. I know the show. I liked Reptar. So there are about ten levels. And I guess
the cool thing is that…they’re kind of set up like episodes of the show. And the
presentation really does a great job with that. Every level has the Rugrats title card
at the beginning, with the actual music, the “duh-duh-duh, dadada.” Then, it’s imagination
city, the babies pretend they’re in all these different historical places… Either that or they’re actually in these
places, but who the hell knows? The point is, you’re platforming. Like, in the most
literal sense ever. Walking and jumping, that’s what you do. Which would be fine if the levels were fun,
but they’re not. They’re big and confusing, and you have no idea where you’re going.
All you know is, you’re have to find a certain amount of items to open up the exit, and you
only know that because I told you. The game doesn’t, the game thinks it’s clear. Either
that, or it was designed by Angelica, to confuse the babies. Hey, mission accomplished. You little brat. Cynthia’s dead. And you know, as bad and generic as the design
is…doesn’t help that the game plays like a soggy diaper. I mean, having dull design
is one thing…having crappy gameplay is another, this is all pretty crappy. But again, at least
the presentation’s decent. The sprites, in particular, are pretty good…especially
Chuckie, Chuckie’s the best, even if he is afraid of toilets. I mean, who isn’t? But on the other hand, the backgrounds are
boring, and the enemies are dumb…and the animation’s not that great, either. The
irony being, Rugrats was a show that was part of an important movement in animation, but
the game has bad animation. That’s upsetting on multiple levels. Rugrats All Grown Up. Also upsetting. You know, if dust bunnies really do eat babies…which,
there’s no real way to be sure…then personally, I’d like to set this game under the bed,
just to see what would happen. Worst case scenario, it’s still there. And you might
be motivated enough, to move your bed, and sweep underneath there. Best case scenario,
it’s just gone, it’s f*cking gone. Although to be honest…I mean, it’s so
forgettable that, if you did throw it under there, there’s a good chance you wouldn’t
even remember. So what I’m saying is, there’s no good
reason not to throw this under your bed. Unless you’re afraid of the dust bunnies, you big
dumb babies. It’s Rugrats: Time Travelers, for the Game Boy Color. If I could go back
in time, I would help them make this better. By preventing it from ever happening.

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