Barfelona – Me and My Grandma (Ep. 5) | MyLifeAsEva


– [Narrator] Previously
on Me and My Grandma. – I’m George. I’m a producer, I know
talent when I see it. – Let’s do it. Let’s adopt a cat. – You need to bond. I wanna see a friendship when we pick this up
back up tomorrow. – Harder, Ting-Wei! – And trust me,
Victoria opened up. (smooching) – [Janey] That was
definitely not Oliver. – Have you two seen Victoria? – Nope.
– No. So when I’m done folding, I like to organize
them by color. When I’m stressed it
helps me feel so much better to put my underthings
in Roy G. Biv order. – [Heidi] I bet it does. How does this look? – I’m not sure it’s what
Oliver’s looking for. – [Heidi] His script is
better than I expected. It’s a working class Bling Ring. Two female leads, even
passed the Bechdel Test. – What’s that? – [Heidi] It’s this thing that
calls out movies for having female characters who
only talk about men. Think about men,
obsess about men. Speaking of, are you
in rainbow folding mode because you haven’t told
Oliver about Victoria? – Yes, and it’s taking
everything in me to not spill the tea on
their bathroom boink sesh. – [Heidi] Victoria’s awful. Do you think she’s fluid? – Stop, seriously, what do I do? Grandma wants me to
keep my mouth shut. But isn’t honesty
the best policy? – [Heidi] If you’re
Ryan Lochte, maybe. – It just feels wrong knowing
and not saying anything. – [Heidi] Janey, I’m
gonna give you some advice that will help you
with all your problems. Topple. The. Patriarchy. – Girls, we are
moving out of the ass! – What? – We just got the check
from the car commercial! – She ripped it from
the mailman’s hands. Good thing he
still has his arms. – Oh you shush your mush. (laughs) He knows what I mean. Isn’t that great? We can finally move! – So I can get my own bedroom? – Yes! (laughing) And we’re gonna buy
ornamental bowls that we don’t put anything in. – Oh, that’s the dream. – I love empty bowls too. I’m so glad you implied
that I could live with you. – Of course. – I’m gonna call that snooty
real estate agent right away. – We can afford snooty now? – Yup! I just popped back up to
give you the good news. George is taking me to the
bank on the way to lunch. – [Heidi] Who goes to the bank? Only old people who,
oh yeah, that adds up. – Actually Grandma, I
can just show you how to make a deposit on your phone. – [Grandma] Really? – Is that safe? – Yeah, sure. Here, give me the check. So you just take a
photo and deposit. – That is amazing. Do people know about this? Should I do a vlog? – That’s lowkey revolutionary. Your Grandma’s been
teaching me some lingo, ain’t that right, bae? – Yeah. And George has been teaching
me about international cuisine. He’s my hashtag MCM. – We talked about
hashtagging out loud. – Fine. Today we’re going
out for Indian food. Did I mention that yesterday
George made me a frittata? – You did. Like, six or seven times. – It’s a special
recipe I picked up while doing a
picture in Barcelona. (Grandma chuckles) – I should see if my
Grandma Goes Hollywood Frittata Tips video
has any more likes. – I still don’t see how that has anything to
do with Hollywood. – Did we ever have frittata
in Michigan, Janey? – Thoughts? – It’s, what do you say, fire? It’s fire! I’m very woke to what the
kids are talking about. Do you know woke? – No, I don’t but
maybe you could tell me over our celebratory lunch. Have you ever had a mango lassi? – Sounds yummers. This is a very exciting
day for all of us. George is closing a
big movie deal tonight, he may even have a part for me. – Really? George, that’s so cool. What’s the project? – It’s a money guy I
play racquetball with, he wants to invest in a
script I that I bought. It’s gonna be huge. – Well what’s it about? – It’s a period piece. You kids wouldn’t like it. Hey, I gotta take a quick call. Meet you at the car? – Isn’t he great? He smells like cinnamon cigars and he’s so classy, his
car even has wood paneling on the inside and did you hear
how he pronounced Barcelona? (moans) Alright, I’m done. Bye girls, peace out. – [Heidi] So, you got
a new step-grandpa? – I don’t know about him. He called me kid. I’m not a kid. – [Heidi] You’re kind of a kid. – Whatever. It’s gonna be huge? Only idiots say
it’s gonna be huge. And what is racquetball? He’s so orange and his
teeth, they’re so white. More like barf-elona. Wait, whose are these? – Oh those are mine. You’ve been doing my laundry
for the past couple weeks. Thanks for that, by the way. (smooth music) – I’m surprised you’re back. I tell everyone about
the time you just slipped out of here when you
heard how much it costs to rent an apartment. – Well we’re successful
actresses now. – How about we just pick
up from where we left off? – This is it. This is the place,
it’s everything. And we can get rid of the
air mattress, Grandma. It comes with beds. – And I can put all my
tchotchkes on that end table. – [Janey] And we can get
a giant flat screen TV where we watch all the
shows we star in together. And Heidi can make
a gallery wall with all her fancy artwork. – Wait, go back to the TV show. I’ve got the best idea. I’m both a
grandmother and a cop. – No no, I’m a sophisticated
Washington, D.C. fixer who only wears white and
you’re my personal assistant. – No no, I think we
have to do a sitcom, really spread our
wings artistically. We’re both cops,
only you’re a rookie and I’ve been on
the beat for years. – That does sound cool. – Right? And every episode ends with a freeze frame of
us high-fiving. – I can’t wait to tell my
friends about whatever this is. What are we thinking though? – I have to live there. – I have to die there. – Can we afford that? That really is the
dream apartment. – We’ll take it. (Janey gasps) – I see what you’re doing here. It’s really very cute. But don’t you wanna go see
the place in person first? – Oh yes, yes we would. (upbeat music) – Such a beautiful hat. – It cost me more than you know. – Maybe someday you’ll tell me. – Cut! That was fantastic. I can really feel your pain. – That’s the Spanx! – And Janey, you are
doing some amazing work. – Cool. Yeah, cool. – It’s just the right
amount of internal conflict. – Yeah, I can really feel
the inner turmoil right now. It’s cool. – Cool. Alright, well keep it
up, it’s really good. Let’s move on. – It’s taking everything
in me to not tell him. (groans) How am I doing? – Maybe try to make eye contact and he gets it, you’re cool. Just try to act like
a normal person. But you’re doing great. – Am I? – Oh don’t get so worked up. We got a new apartment,
we’re both acting in a movie. – But Oliver’s over there
and Victoria’s other there and I’m here and I know, and
she knows and he doesn’t know and even you know! – Oliver said he wants
your eyes a bit smokey. (Janey coughs) – We’re slaying, right Heidi? – To be determined. But that was the
proper usage of slay. How come you’re not like, blowing bubbles or
talking about unicorns? Why are you? Oh yeah, you’re being
squidgy because of Oliver. – Oh forget that. Look at where we are now. Remember when your mother
thought this was gonna be hard. (chuckles) George! – [Janey] Oh boy,
George is here. – Boy George is here? – What a great surprise! – I was hoping to
see you in action. – I’m sorry, I just
finished my scene. – Take you to lunch? – Sure. You know, George, my
followers would love to have your recipe for crepes
du Nutella et banane. (laughs) – Damn, that’s one
thirsty granny. – I don’t like him. (Heidi gasps) – Have you ever not
liked someone before? Disliking people is my favorite. Oh yay, Victoria. Hate her. – Hey wifey. OMG, I just got these new
diet pills you have to try. Chew it. – Did you have fun
at Heidi’s show? – Totes. – I didn’t see you
after the performance. Where’d you go? – Oh yeah, Ollie and I
went to this super ironic after party at Olive Garden. They did like, a Burning
Man but with breadsticks. I ate so many, I’m such a cow. I had like, almost a full stick. – I’m sure you did. – Okay, J. Gotta go get camera ready. Kisses. – Like you eat bread. Oliver, I– – Janey, I am so glad
that you and Victoria are getting along now. It’s gonna really
strengthen the film. – Okay, well about that– – The last thing that you want on set is drama, you know? Sorry cut you off, what’s up? – I … Love hard boiled eggs. Yes, and craft services is
actually out of hard boiled eggs and I just love hard
boiled eggs so much. – Oh, (chuckles) sure. Sure, I’ll tell craft services. – Cool. Cool. Cool. (sighs) – Aren’t you cute? With your hair and your face and your innocent
girl next door thing. It is so predictable. I know you and that death
rattle you call Grandma saw me hooking up with
Chad in the bathroom and I also know that you want
to get into Oliver’s pants. You probably think you could just swoop in and
steal him from me. – No I don’t. – There will be no swooping. Oliver and I are forever. Look, you probably
think I’m crazy but I was doing
that for both of us. I would do anything for him. You think I wanted
to sleep with Chad? He’s revolting and
has a Maroon 5 tattoo. But he’s also an executive
at a major studio. He could get this
movie into theaters. So if you come for me, you’re coming for Oliver. – Okay but I– – I’m not finished. If you snitch, I will
make sure that you and that corpse that
follows you around are removed from this film. Go it? – Um– – And if you feel like
you’re about to say something to Oliver, just
walk on over to crafty and stuff your face with
some more hard boiled eggs. You’re really good at that. Bye, bestie. – Well we’re here. Oh, I wanna take a
picture for my Instagram. I want people to ship us. – No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Always leave them wanting more. – Classy. This calls for the
inkwell filter. – Okay, I’ll let
you get back to it. – George, you know, I just
wanted to tell you that it’s been a really long time
and I want to take it slow. – We’ll take it as
slow as you want. Just know I’m here. (smooth music) – What you said to
me was out of line, but what you did was even worse. – I told you, I didn’t
do it just for me. It was for both of us. – It is amazing how much
you can lie to yourself. – Whatever you wanna
tell yourself, Alyssa. You wanted that hat
just as much as I did. – But people almost died
because of what you did! – What we did! – Cut! That was incredible. Heidi, can we get a touch up? – Hm, you actually can act. I was not expecting
you to be good. – Are those brushes
hypoallergenic? – Yes. – I’ll know if you’re lying because I will break
out if they’re not. – I look forward to it. – Stop. – Honey, you were amazing. – Oh good, you’re back. I need to talk to you. I’m freaking out. – You really are. I haven’t seen you
this worked up since I, I mean your mother
killed Mischa Barton. Is that what you were
using for motivation? – No Grandma,
Victoria knows that we know that she
cheated on Oliver. – Oh no. – Oh yes. She said that if I
breathe a word to anyone, she’s gonna have us
kicked off the movie. – She’s insane! – Yeah, she’s trying
to Christian Bale us. I have to tell Oliver right now. – No, still no. It’s an especially bad idea now. Do not get caught
up in their drama. – I’m trying to keep
my mush shushed, but it’s just too hard. – No it isn’t. Listen to me, a girl like that, you give her enough rope, she’s gonna hang herself. And where will you be? A shoulder for Oliver to cry on. – But Oliver deserves to know. – And we deserve full C cups, but it’s not a
perfect world, Janey. You’re acting like a kid,
stop being so immature. – I’m being immature? You’re the one
obsessing over some orange rando you just met. I was wiping spray tan off
the couch all night long. (groans) He’s so obsessed with you. It’s creepy. Grandma please, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. – Janey, you were really
great in that scene. – Cool. – Oh I got this for you. (chuckles) – You didn’t have to do that. – You performance today was, emotionally raw. – Yeah I just have
a lot of emotions. – That’s one of my
favorite things about you. How honest you are. – Okay, Oliver. (loud rumbling) What’s happening? – Earthquake. – Oh my God. – Duck and cover guys! Watch out!
(Janey screams) Are you okay? – Yeah, I’m fine. (loud rumbling) You saved me. – [Victoria] Ollie? – Don’t move! (Victoria crying) Are you okay? – I am now. – Oh my God, my Grandma! Heidi, have you seen my Grandma? Where is she? – Oh no, shit. I haven’t. – Oh my God, oh my God. Where is she? – Don’t worry we’ll
find her, okay? Okay go that way and
I’ll go this way. – Grandma, where are you? – [Grandma] Janey? – Grandma, is that you? – [Grandma] Janey, I’m here! – Where? – [Grandma] Marco! – What? – [Grandma] You’re
supposed to say Polo! – I know how to play
Marco Polo, Grandma. But this is not
the time for games. Where are you? – [Grandma] I’m over here. – [Janey] Don’t worry Grandma, I’m gonna get you out of there. – [Grandma] Stop stop stop,
don’t jiggle anything. – Oh Grandma, I’m so sorry. (gagging) Oh my God, that smells terrible. – [Grandma] I’m aware. I’m hovering over a
puddle of fecal matter like Catherine Zeta
Jones in a laser field. – Oh Grandma, I’m so sorry
about what I said about George. If you’re happy then I’m happy. – [Grandma] Of course, it’s
gonna be weird for you. I’m not exactly subtle. – Everything’s just
changing so fast. – [Grandma] But isn’t
that why we came to LA? – Yeah, you’re right. And you were right
about Oliver too. I tried to tell
him about Victoria, but then the earth
literally shook to stop me. – [Grandma] We’re silly for
letting men come between us. This whole day all we
did was worry about boys. If we were a movie we would totally fail
Heidi’s Rectal Test. – You mean Bechdel Test. But you’re right. Why are we letting these dumb
boys take over our lives? I should just be in the moment. – [Grandma] Can you be
in the moment later? – Oh shoot, sorry Grandma. Have you tried to open
it from the inside? – [Grandma] No, there’s
poop on the door handle. But you know what,
there’s poop everywhere. Let me try. Oh no,I think
I made it worse. (groaning) Yeah, it’s worse. – Okay Grandma, I’m
gonna go get help. – I’ll entertain
myself till you get back. (sighs) Hi guys, it’s me
Grandma Goes Hollywood, I’m here with some earthquake
survival tips (loud thumping) Oh God. That’s the third shower and I still smell
that latrine sludge. I scrubbed so hard the
mole clusters came off. Sniff test. (Janey sniffs) – I’m telling you, the smell was gone
after the first shower. – No you’re wrong. It’s still there. It’s like I’ve been skunked. Tomato juice! (gasps) – Mouse?
– No. – Cockroach?
– Let’s not talk about it. This is a total shush
your mush situation. (Janey sighs) – I bet we won’t have to
live in fear of our cabinets in the new apartment. – From your lips. (groans) What if I still smell like doody when George comes to pick me up? (Janey laughing) What, what? Was it doody? Oh, laugh it up, Janey. But you’ll feel bad
when my boyfriend dumps me for wearing
Eau du Toilet. – Wait. Where are those
magazines that I got mad at you from stealing
from the library? – I told you, I wanted
to clip out pictures of Kourtney Kardashian’s
organic sofas. – No, look, perfume samples. There’s like eight in here. (Grandma sniffs) – Mmm, you know, in my day, we called this a whore’s bath. (laughs) (cell phone dings) – Uh hey, where is everybody? I thought I was coming
back for reshoots? – No, I just needed
someone to talk to. – What’s going on? – Well I found out
Victoria’s cheating on me. – This is such a shock, I’m– – Janey. I know you know. – You do? – Victoria told me. – I wanted to tell you. – No, I get it. I understand. You didn’t want to get caught
up in all of our drama. – That’s what my,
that’s what I said. How did she tell you? – She didn’t. I was using her phone
and I found a dick pic. Some guy named Chad, who really knows his angles. – I wish there was
something I could do. – I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping
this all on you. You’re just really
easy to talk to. – I like talking to you too. (slow music) ♪ Some day (rumbling) ♪ Far away ♪ Where the ocean meets the sky (Grandma laughs) (cell phone ringing) – Hello? Oh I’m sorry, I can’t
hear you, hold on. (groans) Hello, hello, hello? Hello! What do you mean
the check bounced? I just made a deposit. I understand. Don’t give away the apartment. Let me figure out
what’s going on. I’ll get back to you. What? Hmm. – [Automated] The
number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no
longer in service. Please check the
number and dial again. – What the? – [Automated] The
number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no
longer in service. Please check
the number… – Oh sh–

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